Funny Bone

Something tickled me today. Ah ma was in hospital because of gout for the last 2 days so I visited her. Due to the H1N1 situation, the hospital required everybody to register their contact details and to wear a mask while in the wards.

When I reached her bed, Ah ma was sleeping so I just sat beside her and watched her sleep. Opposite us was a severely emaciated woman. She looked cadaverous, hollow-cheeked and her skin was a faint hue of green. As she slept, her eyes sometimes rolled up to show only the whites and her mouth was slightly ajar. Above her was a sign in red that read "NIL BY MOUTH".

Ah ma was awoken by the sound of this woman's caretaker speaking to me. So Ah ma started speaking to me. She asked me about the woman's nationality, whether she was suffering from cancer. Then Ah ma showed me her knees and told me how it had been swollen. Next she asked me if I was the friend of the woman opposite!

Then I realized she hadn't recognized me! I pulled down my mask and exclaimed "It's me, Ah Lee" (that was what she called me since young). It was a really funny situation to have your grandma not recognize her favourite granddaughter.

The Artificial Virginity Hymen Kit

‘Like A Virgin’ Kit Causes Uproar in Egypt

The Artificial Virginity Hymen Kit has been causing a legit uproar in Egypt.  What’s in the phony purity pack?  Why, a diaphragm that trickles a blood-like liquid, of course!  And it’s all in an effort to trick new hubbies into thinking their brides are carrying a V-card.

The kit is seen as a tool of empowerment to some, but Egyptian conservatives believe it promotes promiscuity and ultimately threatens Islam.  Members of the Muslim Brotherhood (who control 20% of the seats in Egypt’s parliament) have called for a ban on the kit and jail time for anyone that is caught peddling it.

I haven’t found any stats on how many have actually been sold (if any).  But I do know that the $30 kit is produced by a Chinese company called Gigimo, who promotes the product through mail-order ads that advise women: ‘’Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable.'’  Moans and groans of pleasure or discomfort?  It sure would be nice to put a ban on placing so much value on virginity.

Article from http://www.bust.com/blog/2009/10/08/like-a-virgin-kit-causes-uproar-in-egypt.html

I think the idea is  ingenious. It’s the perfect answer for lascivious old men seeking young “virgin” brides to refresh their flagging their libido. Or those hypocritical Egyptian/Muslim men who go around defiling women everywhere and yet expect their brides to be pure as snow. I think the whole idea shoots right into the heart of double standards for men and women. Men who sleep around were (and still are) considered "experienced" and are supposed to be better lovers. On the other hand, women who do the same thing are "cheap" and "used". While the men sought for 'sluts' to sleep around with, when it comes to marrying a wife, she should be very preferably, a virgin, with no prior experience. 

Call it deceit or just a clever way of duping foolish men. Or even giving women who had their virginity taken away a second chance. Broken hymen? Don't fret. Now virginity comes with a price tag of $30. 

Of course, I'm not subverting the preciousness of virginity or even cheapening it to a product that can be bought with money. And no way am I advocating promiscuity for women. I just feel that with this mass market product, the boundaries have been moved. In parts of the way where non-virgins are condemned to lifelong unhappiness, there is now a second chance. That's human rights from Gigimo, China!

Tiger Video

This is one i took of Tiger past midnight in my pool...He's so cute!

Suzhou 'Beauty"

Suzhou is a province in China renowned for beautiful women. My Chinese
friend speculates that it is due to the pure water and air there that
women have such glowing fairness. You would be hard-pressed to find
ugly women. But here comes one shockingly liberal lady who chooses to
share her beautiful skin with the whole world in her own unique way..

Dental Work

Went for dental work today. This Dr Albert Chou was really nice. He kept asking me if I was okay about 50 times. I politely grimaced a 'yes' although what I wanted to say was 'get the hell off me and my teeth'.  Dental work is not the most relaxing experience, to say the least. First I absorbed some radiowaves during dental X-ray, where I got to don the "latest fashion in Paris", a heavy vest. Scaling was like deep-sea exploration cum excavation, followed by some noisy and splashy polishing which left some "souvenirs" on the lab glasses they kindly provided. 

Next was filling. I had a cavity on the top right, so they first gave me numbing gel, before they injected me with LA. Dr Albert was really good though; I expected to feel some needling pain but surprise...nothing! What they did later was so weird. It was this rubber sheet that was used to isolate my tooth. I thought I was going to suffocate at some points as I endeavored to breathe through my nostrils and not choke on my own saliva. And the thing they used to prop open my mouth got my jaws SOOO tired. It all took a harrowing 2 hours.

The only saving grace was the TV screen fixed to the ceiling showing Shrek. He got me through the hefty 2 hours. Now I feel somewhat attached to the green ogre for getting through the moments when I felt like there was no tomorrow. haha.

Having a dental appointment is one thing. Post-appointment is another. The numbness in my mouth made me feel like an idiot! First I smiled like a half-paralysed fool, then when I drank water and tried to swallow a pill, water dribbled out of my mouth involuntarily. Not to mention the lack of sensation. I ate my favourite shepherd's pie in bitter disappointment, unable to savour the full flavour of the minced beef and potato.

A few hours later was a different story, especially when I looked in the mirror to see my newly polished whitened teeth and a normal-looking toothy smile. Thank you Dr Albert!

Of Hedgies and Worms

Yesterday I was cleaning out the tank of my hedgehogs, Super and Sonic when I noticed something moving in their food bowl. I took a closer look. Amidst all the leftover kitten pellets was a maggot! YUCKS!! It was truly disgusting.

I thought, Okay leave it alone...maybe Sonic may like to have a snack for tea. So I ignored its wriggly presence and started cleaning out the sawdust, poop and wee.

Now you're thinking, what's sawdust doing in the tank? Well, it came in a sack as wood pellets. When it gets wet, it disintegrates into sawdust. The function is to soak up all the smell and urine and stuff, and make the tank a wee (no pun intended) bit more rustic and warmer for my hoggies.

As I scooped bits painstakingly with a spoon, I noticed another critter making its way along the tank, so well, that goes into the food bowl as well. Then another, and another. By now, this was getting disturbing. I came to realize that the maggots were not two lonesome creatures trapped in the bowl for company, but I probably was looking at a whole platoon of them, thanks to the mother fly circling me intermittently. 

It took me a long time to make sure every single worm was out of the tank before I filled it with kitten litter made of recycled paper. It's a grayish colour and comes in strands. Nothing romantic about it, just utilitarian. 

Now the question is: why do hedgehogs favour meal worms but leave maggots alone? Do they taste different? Or is it a matter of the latter being served freeze-dried? Well I may never know. Someone please enlighten me.

Dye dog, dye!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at these pictures. Here we have some dog owners in China who love their pooches so much that they spend the money and time to groom their dog's fur into such precious little puffs, then lovingly select colours to dye them in. But at the end of the day, the dogs look like clowns from the circles, so interesting but surreal, likes some freaks from Monsters Inc. the movie.

I don't believe the dogs will enjoy the treatment much though. Imagine smelling of chemicals all over for a few days then looking into the mirror and getting a shock...oh I forgot, dogs are colourblind. Thankfully for them. 

Still, imagine the kind of attention they get on the streets. People pointing and making a fuss and getting silly over them. I might freak out if I were a dog.